Patrick on the Edge: Fear of What Lies Beneath

I'M AFRAID OF deep water. Not all deep water, just the kind where I can't see all the way to the bottom. It's not like I won't step foot in the ocean, because that's just irrational, not to mention no fun. Let's just say this: when I'm out in the open, my fear makes me swim a bit faster.

I have no idea where this phobia came from. It's not as though I had a near-death experience in the bath tub when I was a baby, forever scarring me. And I love to swim. I'm an Aquarius (if you believe in that sort of stuff). But still, my heart races when I'm swimming, I look down and don't see a solid underneath.

I've tried to rationalize this as fear of the unknown, telling myself that I'm just afraid of what I can't see and what I don't know is there. But it's not as clear cut as that. First of all, I have no idea what's in space, but I have no fear of that, instead the fact that little is known about the cosmos and that it's the last place for human exploration makes me even more interested in it. As an elementary schooler, I was fascinated with sharks. I had sharks books, shark toys, shark posters, and the best of the year was (and still is) Shark Week. But then sometime in either 6th or 7th grade, I realized I was terrified of sharks. I might think they were the most incredible animal in the world, but that didn't stop my fear. When my family visited Blizzard Beach at Disney World I wouldn't go anywhere close to the nurse shark, even though I knew they were harmless from my numerous reference guides. I spent the day swimming in the shallows and eating popsicles, because I was too scared to see my aquatic hero in person.

DUN-dun, DUN-dun, DUN-dun...

I think that's a better reason of what I'm afraid of deep water. It's not that I don't know what's down there, it's that I know perfectly well what's down there, just not what's down THERE – that specific spot under my naked, dangling feet. I think the scariest thing would be to see a shark coming up out of the blue and I can't shake that image from my mind when I'm in the water.

My mind wandered onto this topic during the last week for whatever reason, and I found that it had a lot in common with what path my life was about to take in the coming months. I have no idea what's in store for me, beneath the surface if you may. I know of many possibilities that can happen, but until I reach that point in time, I'm lost at sea. But I'm not scared about my future like I'm scared of what might be under me in the water. Instead, I'm excited. I know that I control my future, nobody else. My destiny lies with me, not with a 17-foot long Tiger Shark.