Capitol Letters: Making Time to Show the Love

BEFORE PARENTHOOD I never looked forward to Valentine’s Day. I have had some memorable Valentine’s Day events in my life but I have never harbored any expectations about this day. My thought has always been that if you love someone you should tell them whenever possible in as many ways as possible, but parenthood has compromised my position on this odd "holiday".

Parenthood has presented many challenges to the partnership that I am committed to. One of these challenges is when and how do we express our love to one another now that we have a family? Complicating the issue for me as a father is that I feel like our sons have a monopoly on my partner’s displays of love and care. I know I am not alone in feeling this way. Other fathers in my circle of friends have commented and joked with me frequently about experiencing the same feelings.

My partner and I entered into partnership knowing full well that our love was an ebb and flow arrangement. In the beginning of our commitment our love flowed often and freely with the luxury of time for ourselves and the ability to fully be in the moment when we had time together - time that was free of disruptions and any other being vying for our attention. We also had the luxury of often being in very good health and well-rested. Now that we are a family of four with two very young members, it feels more like an ebb period.

I struggle with prioritizing us. I know my partner struggles with this as well and balancing a robust family life of four that includes two young members. I know that prioritizing this "us time" is one of my biggest failures as a parent. I am hopeful that this period and commitment will not last forever. I also hope to be more proactive in making this time together happen.

                                                                            Photo credit: Abby Lowell

Sharing the family love...

This year our three year-old son and I shopped together for some flowers to show our love for this special person in our lives.  Two days before Valentine's we arrived home bearing our individually chosen and wrapped tulips. “Happy Valentines Mom,” was not only a gift to my partner but also a gift to me. It was the sincerity of this 3 year-old and the display of his love for his mother that was a gift.

I try every day to show my partner in some way my love and care for her.  These messages often become drowned-out or disrupted in the controlled chaos of our days. Valentine’s Day is now a day that I look forward to.  I know that on this day my partner and I will take the time to recognize one another. This recognition often is communicated with a card, a small gift, and some sort of small surprise. I know my partner and I share a steadfast and enduring love every day but this specific day now gives us an added reason to express it - and to teach our sons a valuable lesson about showing love on this day, and the other 364 days a year.