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IN MY MOTHER'S kitchen, a small, framed poster still hangs on the wall with the following phrase carefully scripted in old-style calligraphy:

“There are two lasting gifts we leave our children: one is roots, the other, wings.” 

How did mom know I’d grow up with a desire to wander the earth, then return to sink my feet deep into the soil of home? I don’t think she did, but both she and my father lived by this proverb, and today, I do, too, although perhaps with a more unorthodox translation of “roots and wings.” 

I believe travel is a taproot toward global understanding, with a singular sprout from one child’s essence maturing into a beautiful tree of shade and nourishment to others. Personal family values provide the anchor, but seeds from our experiences float into careless (or not so careless) breezes and offer flight for further explorations, later on. Wings. 

Let me clear about one thing; our family travels without an intentional agenda to change the world. Like most moms and dads, my husband and I simply feel the need to walk away from our daily lives once in a while (okay, probably more than that) and visit someplace unique to our cozy, secure little world in Anchorage, Alaska. The world-changing part? That’s a bonus.

We do, however, travel with a desire to strengthen our son’s personal “root system” with us, his family. Our growing offspring sees his mother and father at their very best (or sometimes their very worst), and watches carefully, if unknowingly, to see how we handle complex scenarios. Planting roots takes many hours of intimate attention, you know, and it can be dirty work. 

Travel also affords us time to rediscover each other as citizens of our community and world. What is important to each of us may not be perceived the same collectively, so making the effort to know our son as an individual now, before he grows up in the blink of an eye, leaves home, and wanders the earth on his own without returning, is time well spent. It’s easy to forget in the midst of carpools and homework and bedtime battling. 

Know your roots, I say, but spread your wings. That’s love. Happy Valentine’s week.

 Follow the Kirkland family’s adventures at AKontheGO.com.

BEFORE PARENTHOOD I never looked forward to Valentine’s Day. I have had some memorable Valentine’s Day events in my life but I have never harbored any expectations about this day. My thought has always been that if you love someone you should tell them whenever possible in as many ways as possible, but parenthood has compromised my position on this odd "holiday".

Parenthood has presented many challenges to the partnership that I am committed to. One of these challenges is when and how do we express our love to one another now that we have a family? Complicating the issue for me as a father is that I feel like our sons have a monopoly on my partner’s displays of love and care. I know I am not alone in feeling this way. Other fathers in my circle of friends have commented and joked with me frequently about experiencing the same feelings.

My partner and I entered into partnership knowing full well that our love was an ebb and flow arrangement. In the beginning of our commitment our love flowed often and freely with the luxury of time for ourselves and the ability to fully be in the moment when we had time together - time that was free of disruptions and any other being vying for our attention. We also had the luxury of often being in very good health and well-rested. Now that we are a family of four with two very young members, it feels more like an ebb period.

I struggle with prioritizing us. I know my partner struggles with this as well and balancing a robust family life of four that includes two young members. I know that prioritizing this "us time" is one of my biggest failures as a parent. I am hopeful that this period and commitment will not last forever. I also hope to be more proactive in making this time together happen.

                                                                            Photo credit: Abby Lowell

Sharing the family love...

This year our three year-old son and I shopped together for some flowers to show our love for this special person in our lives.  Two days before Valentine's we arrived home bearing our individually chosen and wrapped tulips. “Happy Valentines Mom,” was not only a gift to my partner but also a gift to me. It was the sincerity of this 3 year-old and the display of his love for his mother that was a gift.

I try every day to show my partner in some way my love and care for her.  These messages often become drowned-out or disrupted in the controlled chaos of our days. Valentine’s Day is now a day that I look forward to.  I know that on this day my partner and I will take the time to recognize one another. This recognition often is communicated with a card, a small gift, and some sort of small surprise. I know my partner and I share a steadfast and enduring love every day but this specific day now gives us an added reason to express it - and to teach our sons a valuable lesson about showing love on this day, and the other 364 days a year.

FOR VALENTINE'S DAY you can start showing the love from the very moment your sweetie(s) wake. But, I'm sure that you'll not want to get up hours early on a weekday morning to make heart-shaped belgian waffles with strawberry compote and hand-whipped cream. Despite what all the poets may tell you, love can be practical.

Here is a simple idea for a Valentine's Day breakfast that won't take much extra time and will let your dear ones know they are loved.

A Valentine's breakfast to warm your loved ones' hearts.

• 1 slice of bread per person
• 1 egg per person
• your favorite jam
• ham steak
• 1 heart-shaped cookie cutter

Using a heart-shaped cookie cutter, cut 1 slice of ham per person and put the ham hearts in a skillet over medium heat.  (Save the remainder of the ham, it can be cut into chunks for an omelette or quiche for another day's breakfast.) Wash the cookie cutter and dry it well.

Cut a heart from each of the slices of bread. Set the hearts aside for toast. Melt butter in a large skillet and place the pieces of bread in the skillet. Turn the ham so that it can brown a bit on both sides.

Crack each egg and pour it into one of the heart-shaped holes in each slice of bread. Cook the egg to each person's preferred doneness. The eggs could even be scrambled. Toast the hearts that were cut from the bread and cover them with jam.

Arrange the toast, eggs-in-bread (sometimes called eggs-in-a-hole, eggs-in-a-nest or Egyptian eggs) and ham on plates and enjoy!

Happy Valentine's Day!

IF I HAD a nickel for every time my son forgot to say “thank you,” I’d be one rich woman. I prompt, I remind, I even bribe (when necessary), especially on vacation. We are the guests, after all, and whether we’re across the country or at a campground across town, manners play an important role in travel stewardship. 

It’s easy to let the most basic practices slide while vacationing. Moms and dads want relaxation and a time-out from the daily grind, and sometimes manners become the helpless victim. I’m as guilty as the next for occasional lapses in the “Please and Thank You” department, but after a few ugly incidents from our son on a recent trip to Hawaii, we had to engage in a family meeting to re-establish the sense of respect for both our location and the myriad cultures intertwined in tropical paradise, not to mention toward We the Parents.

Talking to kids away from others
reduces the embarrassment factor 

Below are a few of our discussion points, and some tips to prevent (hopefully) your own “manner-meltdowns": 

1. Set expectations early. Going out to eat? Discuss appropriate behavior and role-play potential scenarios at your own dinner table. Flying across the country? Talk about airplane manners of keeping feet and hands quiet, and how to talk with seatmates. Headed to stay in someone’s home? Refresh manners of picking up after oneself and conversing with hosts. Do have a “last minute” chat just before arrival. Will they shake hands, or say “Nice to meet you”? Be clear and consistent. 

2. Take time to learn about your destination. Especially important when traveling overseas, knowing a bit about culture and mannerisms can be valuable, and interesting, to kids. Hand gestures, eye contact, and other traditions are important, and show your commitment to visiting that particular country or community. Also remind kids that a smile goes a long, long way almost anywhere. 

3. Eat out with confidence. Well, maybe not confidence, but at least with the appearance of such. Play “restaurant” at home, and teach kids to order their own menu items (with your approval, of course), how to ask for salt and pepper, and what do to with that “square of cloth on the table.” Be sure children know what items are forbidden, and which are special treats after they finish a meal. Remind of the “please” and “thank you” rule, of course. If visiting a different country, have kids practice ordering in the native language, most wait staff love it!

Ordering their own drinks is one way kids can learn to exert their independence when eating out

4. Correct quietly, yet quickly. Kids will be kids, and sometimes they just can’t remember all the rules. Take your little offender aside and remind about the rule, and lay out expectations for behavior one more time, preventing embarrassment. If an all-out tantrum ensues, remove the child completely from the situation. Avoid making empty threats of “I’ll take you out of here if you.....” Kids are not dumb; they’ll figure out you don’t mean it and keep right on a’ misbehavin’. Who’s relaxing then? That’s right, nobody in the place, especially you.

5. Appreciate the effort. Smile, they’ll get it, eventually. Show good manners yourself and they’ll follow along. 

Follow the Kirkland family’s adventures at AKontheGO.com.

THIS WEEK'S NEWS in child safety has not been good.

As an admitted news-follower I do not need to look beyond the headlines of our state to see frequent and reported violence committed against children: Mother, boyfriend charged in beating death of Barrow child. Looking beyond our state and recent publicized events the violence against children is horrific; Josh Powell kills 2 young sons in ‘act of evil’ authorities say.  I try not to follow many of the grisly details. I have seen and heard enough to make my body physically hurt, and these headlines jolt my mind into thinking about what I am doing to keep our sons safe.

It’s hard to know everything my partner and I can do and foresee every act of evil against children.  We should all do what we can in our home, schools, and communities, to keep children safe, of course.

Here is my active and ever-changing approach to keep my and your children safe.

1. Communicate. From the moments our 4 year-old wakes up until he talks his way into sleep we are communicating with him. We also talk to our 6-month old son as much as possible. We are setting precedents and foundations of open-communication that we hope continue throughout their lives. My partner and I continually communicate about what is happening with our sons - good, challenging or otherwise. We are always communicating with his daycare teachers, daycare manager and the other parents in our son’s class.

2. Advocate and Participate. My partner and I are active advocates and participants in the activities and any other event that happens at the daycare our son attends.

3. Connect. When my schedule allows I attend a father’s playgroup. This is a good opportunity to connect with fathers. There is solidarity in active Fatherhood! Connecting with fathers supports and engages new fathers that are living many of the challenges that new parents face.

4. Convene. Once a month I lead a Father’s Community Café. This event provides support for fathers, grandfathers, and others that are interested in the safety and well-being of children in our community.

5. Show Up. I attend any event dealing with families and children if my schedule allows. Many of these events lack fatherhood participation.  I am an active participant and/or father-advocate when the opportunities present themselves at these events.

6. Listen. When given the opportunity I listen to other fathers and how they are participating in their children’s life and actively keeping them safe. 

7. Don't Panic. I am realistic about the safety of our community and potential threats that exist.

8. Be Informed. I subscribe to the newsletters of state and local agencies and providers that may provide any advice on parenting and children well-being. (Alaska Children's Trust)

9. Pay Attention. I follow the local news concerning events affecting children and their safety.

10. Read Up. I continue to educate myself through publications, blogs, and fatherhood resources on the internet like Fatherhood.org & SavvyDaddy.com.

By no means is this a complete list of things that can be done to insure our children’s safety. I continue to look for strategies that will increase my toolbox of approaches to child safety as I am fairly new to this position of fatherhood. Safety of our children is one of my primary concerns as a father.

I'M AFRAID OF deep water. Not all deep water, just the kind where I can't see all the way to the bottom. It's not like I won't step foot in the ocean, because that's just irrational, not to mention no fun. Let's just say this: when I'm out in the open, my fear makes me swim a bit faster.

I have no idea where this phobia came from. It's not as though I had a near-death experience in the bath tub when I was a baby, forever scarring me. And I love to swim. I'm an Aquarius (if you believe in that sort of stuff). But still, my heart races when I'm swimming, I look down and don't see a solid underneath.

I've tried to rationalize this as fear of the unknown, telling myself that I'm just afraid of what I can't see and what I don't know is there. But it's not as clear cut as that. First of all, I have no idea what's in space, but I have no fear of that, instead the fact that little is known about the cosmos and that it's the last place for human exploration makes me even more interested in it. As an elementary schooler, I was fascinated with sharks. I had sharks books, shark toys, shark posters, and the best of the year was (and still is) Shark Week. But then sometime in either 6th or 7th grade, I realized I was terrified of sharks. I might think they were the most incredible animal in the world, but that didn't stop my fear. When my family visited Blizzard Beach at Disney World I wouldn't go anywhere close to the nurse shark, even though I knew they were harmless from my numerous reference guides. I spent the day swimming in the shallows and eating popsicles, because I was too scared to see my aquatic hero in person.

DUN-dun, DUN-dun, DUN-dun...

I think that's a better reason of what I'm afraid of deep water. It's not that I don't know what's down there, it's that I know perfectly well what's down there, just not what's down THERE – that specific spot under my naked, dangling feet. I think the scariest thing would be to see a shark coming up out of the blue and I can't shake that image from my mind when I'm in the water.

My mind wandered onto this topic during the last week for whatever reason, and I found that it had a lot in common with what path my life was about to take in the coming months. I have no idea what's in store for me, beneath the surface if you may. I know of many possibilities that can happen, but until I reach that point in time, I'm lost at sea. But I'm not scared about my future like I'm scared of what might be under me in the water. Instead, I'm excited. I know that I control my future, nobody else. My destiny lies with me, not with a 17-foot long Tiger Shark.

AT THE MARKET yesterday I saw the most beautiful pears. They were sweet smelling and had that wonderful firm, but ever-so-slightly-tender texture that lets you know they're going to be juicy and sweet. One of my diners here at home has a severe allergy to raw tree fruits, but she can eat them cooked, so I decided to bake the pears.

This recipe couldn't be simpler, but it makes a side dish that adds something special to dinner. You could, also serve these for a brunch, and you could easily substitute apples for the pears.

1 pear for each person

1 Tbs brown sugar for each pear

Preaheat the oven to 375.

Wash the pears and core each one. I find that a vegetable peeler works well for coring pears and apples. You could use a small knife or one of those fancy coring gadgets. Place the pears in a glass cooking pan with a little space in between so they will cook evenly.

Stuff 1 Tablespoon of brown sugar into the center of each pear and place the pan in the oven. Bake them for about 20-25 minutes or until the pears are just soft. The juice from the pears and the brown sugar will make a rich caramely sauce in the bottom of the pan. Place each pear on a plate and spoon the sauce over their tops. Soak the pan and spoon immediately so that the sugar does not harden on and become extremely difficult to chisel off.

I served the pears with baked chicken and sauteed asparagus, but they would be just as good with a nice porkchop or steak. Enjoy!

FOR MOST AMERICANS of a younger generation, the rousing cry of “Remember Pearl Harbor!” does not stir the soul much. December 7, 1941 is still a date to be recognized and memorialized, but now, in the wake of our own generation’s tragedy, and through the passings of Pearl Harbor survivors, events surrounding WWII are slowly fading into mere words upon a textbook’s page. I worry about that. So this week, our family visited Pearl Harbor and the World War II Valor in the Pacific National Monument so that our son could experience, firsthand, that day, at that place, so far from Alaska. 

Still one of the most-visited sites in all Hawai’i, the collection of Pearl Harbor historical sites requires a full day to truly understand circumstances leading up to the destruction of the harbor, airfields, and surrounding residential neighborhoods of Pearl City and Honolulu. It’s an immersion into the emotional peaks and valleys for Americans, as well; confused and frightened by events that took place far from the shores of the mainland. Americans were called to duty both at home and abroad - to “Fight the Good Fight” and do whatever it took to support the United States military in the name of Pearl Harbor.

President Franklin D. Roosevelt, during his famous fireside chat of December 9, 1941, said “We are now in this war. We are all in it - every single man, woman, and child is a partner in the most tremendous undertaking of our American history.” We found that quote, my son and I, while wandering the new visitor center and grounds of the National Monument.

Waiting for our launch to the USS Arizona Memorial on Ford Island, the grounds’ many interpretive signs and structures provide ample opportunity for reflection, even with smaller children. The most striking moment came in the “Contemplative Circle” just west of the theatre, in full view of the Arizona Memorial and USS Missouri. Talking is discouraged as visitors read quotes from sailors, civilians, and American leaders whose lives would never be the same after December 7. Some guests were relatives of survivors who had recently passed away, some were survivors themselves, taking their turn volunteering at the site, answering questions but mostly shaking hands with grateful visitors.

Now that our son can read, exploring historical sites in general holds more value. On his own, he read, one by one, inscriptions upon the gray, concrete walls of the Contemplative Circle, then walked to the center and stopped. Any doubt that a seven year-old could understand the magnitude of Pearl Harbor melted as I watched him look across the water toward the USS Arizona, hands clasped behind his back. 

Children need to see places like Pearl Harbor; they will “get it” if you allow them time to get it. Sometimes, it’s merely the atmosphere. Sometimes, it’s the people. Pearl Harbor offers both. 

If you go: 

What: The World War II Valor in the Pacific National Monument is the main portal for experiencing the USS Arizona Memorial, USS Oklahoma Memorial, USS Bowfin submarine, USS Missouri, and Pacific Air Museum. All are appropriate for children 5 and up, but there are height restrictions for the submarine. Buy a pass and save significantly. Since the Oklahoma, Missouri, and Air Museum are on an active Naval base, a shuttle bus will transport you. 

Where: The site is located in Pearl City, about a 20 minute drive from downtown Honolulu. 

When: The site is open from 7 a.m.-5 p.m.; all tours of the USS Arizona are timed and visitors must possess a ticket from National Park Service staff (FREE). Arrive as early as possible; the environment is clearly less crowded, and the views utterly spectacular. Plan to spend at least two hours at each site. Bring a picnic lunch, snacks, water - and take your time. 

You can follow the Kirkland family’s Hawaiian and Alaska adventures at AKontheGO.com.

THE BUSYNESS OF our daily schedule ebbs and flows similar to the tidal forces that surround our town. There are some days that are so busy and demanding that I cannot wait for them to be over; there are others that seem to be a manageable pace.

My partner and I both are engaged in full-time commitments to the workplace. My partner’s employer is a non-profit entity that supports healthy and supported birth. For these reasons alone our family is supported in policy and practice. Our youngest son currently spends half of his day with his mother in the workplace. I work for a state entity that has a distinct busy period and a slower period. My employer is very flexible with my family commitments seen and unforeseen. My direct supervisor is the mother of a child that is the similar age of our oldest son. She prioritizes family in her life and extends understanding to my family. As a supervisor of a small staff I accommodate any requests created by family challenges and priorities. My partner and I know that our family-friendly work environments are unique in policy and practice. We know many other friends and members of our community that are much more challenged in the family friendliness of their workplace.

Beyond our work hours we prioritize simple family time together daily.  At nightly dinners we exchange reports of our day, listen to one another and talk about future events and activities. During the weekend we spend as much time together as a family as our commitments allow. We prioritize at least one full day together and in practice we spend most of the weekend days together as a family.

Throwing rocks into the ocean with your son = life balance regained

With two children in our family now, I feel some guilt for volunteer commitments that I made when we were only a family of 3. I have not pared these commitments down but I am open to the reality that I may need to do so in the future. I try to coordinate my commitments to the working day as to not infringe on family time, putting more demands on my partner. Unfortunately this is not always possible and my committed time becomes a family commitment of time. This is a factor that puts our family time balance at risk. I am currently logging my volunteer hours to see what my time commitments are and then I can look at ways to minimize them or manage them better.

My partner and I are committed to quality time to one another but this seems to be the first thing that is sacrificed in our life schedule. In the moments and times that we have had the opportunity to separate ourselves from our children for brief moments we rediscover our initial connection to one-another and our commitment to life together. I have been a failure in creating these times often with my partner and prioritizing this time and I know I need to do better.

As a family we take yearly trips together and other mini-getaways as the opportunities present themselves.  My partner and I are passionate about travel and we want to expose our children to travel and as many other places in the world as we can! Time away from our daily-life-routine life is something we relish.

Without fail the daily schedule rushes in with its surprises, plans, and demands, and most days quickly flow away into history. Our family-work balance is strong. It is the other activities of our family, children, and my commitments that I find challenging. My experience has shown me that balancing family life is much easier in theory than in practice.

Keep up with Steve and his family's daily balancing act at his personal blog AKDad.com.